No one is ever mentally prepared for it. The commitment to another that is. I definitely wasn’t. I remember when we had our first disagreement as a married couple. I immediately wanted out! That was how it was when I was single. I could just take some time off for a breather or call the whole thing off altogether!
It slowly began to dawn on me that there was no out in marriage. I had work to do, especially on myself. Being married showed me there were some self issues I needed to deal with.
Of course it’s easy to see and judge your spouse’s faults and that was the problem I had. Also, I felt it was my divine responsibility to change him and make him fit into the “perfect vision” I had for us.
Lessons I Learned
A Couple of things I learned from that:
- Nobody can change someone else.
- A problem will be a problem if you want it to be so.
- Being different can be a good thing and should be appreciated.
- Patience is key. Ephesians 4:2-3
- Marriage is God’s vision, not ours.
- God’s word is the only agent that can change a soul. 2 Corinthians 3:18.
An Ongoing Process
For me, it was a process. I decided to focus on improving myself first. I was able to do this with the help of the Holy Spirit. He opened up my understanding & enabled me to treat and prize my marriage above all else. The more I let go of things that easily weighed me down, the more at peace I felt and the more at peace I was, I saw the more at peace my spouse was.
It’s been fifteen years now since I got married. Where I was then is not where I am now, and I AM pressing on to greater things. Proverbs 4:18.
I now have a better understanding of who I am and who my spouse is and that brings me peace.
Working at It
There’s such a thing as peacefulness in marriage but you have to work at it, starting with yourself. Let patience have its perfect work in you and yield yourself to the Lordship of the Holy Spirit. Marriage is God’s vision after all.
—
Yetunde Ohai
